Insights and Therapeutic Solutions
Relationship Counselling, Relationship Problems
We roll over in bed and think to ourselves 'it's all a dreadful mistake' In every relationship there is a time when we ask ourselves whether our partners are right for us? Did we choose wisely? Were we too young or immature? Is there something lacking in ourselves that does not allow us to understand why we are not as happy as we used to be? Many of us want our partners to change, we blame them for not listening, caring or understanding. If they changed we would not have the conflict or the problems we have now. We enter the relationship with thinking it 'should' be a certain way, when the honeymoon period, which may last a few months or years, ends we are left with a strong sense of disillusionment. That's the time to ask what am I doing or not doing to make my partner unhappy. Instead we are consumed with the thoughts of separating.
'We cannot change another person, we can only change ourselves'. Our responsibility is to own our feelings, learning ways to communicate effectively and seeing our partner as someone who is there to smooth out the rough diamond that is within all of us. It takes courage and humility to share our deepest needs, respect differences and experience mature love. Knowing your 'self,' respecting yourself and trusting your partner, allows you to live without having the need to have your partner by your side for everything. It gives you space to grow, adapt and adjust so that the relationship can evolve to fit changing circumstances. Developing and strengthening connection leads to intimacy which can be blocked by our expectations and our fear in communicating our needs.
Often our childhood experiences distort our interpretation of what is going on. Walking on egg shells with our parents could lead to a number of emotional blockages, feelings we cannot access or fears that stop us from being authentic. Counselling helps to clarify our ways of being and consider other positive options that lead to the connection and fulfilling relationships that we yearn for.
, Relationship Problems